Earlier tonight, I was preparing for my thesis presentation. Tomorrow at 1:30 p.m., I’ll attempt to defend an academic paper I spent a whole semester writing. It’s intimidating. I put in the necessary work and I’m expecting a decent outcome, but I’d be a rich man if I had a dollar for every time the voices in my head told me “What if I screw this up…?”
Around this time of year, a lot of us are asking questions like this. What if I fail this test? What if my professor doesn’t like the topic I chose for my paper? What if I don’t pass?
What if? What if? What if?
In all honesty, these what-ifs do more harm than good. We follow what-ifs into ruts of self-doubt, where they suddenly become “I ams.” Before we know it, “what if I get a bad grade?” turns into “I’m a bad student. I’m not smart. I’m not as qualified as others are.”
If you’re like me, final exams (projects… papers… insert stress-causing school assignment here) turn you into a pressure cooker, feeling like you could explode at any moment. You begin to say things like “There’s literally no way I have enough time to get all these things done.” If you’re a planner like me, you schedule out each hour of your day in order to have some hope that maybe it’ll all get finished.
You cram. You attempt to avoid checking Facebook and Twitter (attempt being the key word in that statement). And if you don’t regurgitate all of the facts correctly when that fateful two-hour time slot arrives, you become a self-deprecator. Or maybe, if you perform above expectations, you turn into a pride machine.
Either one is wrong. Because you are not your final exams.
You’re not an A, you’re not an F. You’re not a pass or a fail. You’re a human being, and your worth doesn’t lie in your performance.
Earlier today, I completely crashed. I was having a very productive day, but suddenly I felt like I lost the ability to do anything. I got tired. I took a break, which became an extended break, which led to me writing this blog rather than making progress on any of the big tasks hanging over my head. And I began to feel guilty about it. I was unproductive. I didn’t take advantage of my time. I could’ve managed better.
Coulda. Woulda. Shoulda.
I fell into the rut. “Now what if I don’t get everything done? What if I just squandered good grades on my finals?” The great attack of the what-ifs. The one that I know all too well.
But this time, those “what-ifs” won’t become “I ams.” Because I’m more than a measurement of my performance. Tomorrow, when I go in to defend my thesis, I’ll put forth my best effort. I’ll try really hard. I’ll do all that I can to get an A.
But if I don’t get the grade I’m hoping to get, that doesn’t change who I am. The same is true for you. You are not your final exams.
Do the work. Try hard. But do it all knowing that there’s no A, C or F stamped on your life. I’m willing to bet you’re a lot more interesting than the information on your transcript.
Hang in there, people.
Love this! Very well written, and so true. I relate to this completely!
I’m glad it spoke to you. Thanks for your kind words. God Bless!!
Nice one. An encouraging read.
I completely enjoyed this, I adore your writing style! Very insightful!
Thanks, Kylie! I’m really glad you enjoyed it.
Thank you so much for sharing this. As I have just finished my finals and didn’t get the grades I was hoping for, this was great to read. Thank you!
I’m so glad it was an encouragement to you. Hang in there!!
Nice one. An encouraging read.
Well having read that and just passed my 12th grade board exams. In India these boards definitely a big deal at least if I don’t , my parents don’t – my school will definitely make put me in that pressure cooker you talk about till i end up with a brilliant 90%+ score.
And well what we actually need here is someone to tell us that there’s life beyond these digits and grades.
Thank you because even with a 89% I didn’t feel good enough.
And I wished I had scored more. But I feel better at this point of time having read that I am glad I can say
” I am not a 89%, I am me “
“You’re not an A, you’re not an F.. You’re just a human being” …. Love this words 👍
Quite encouraging